Welcome back Bobbi Carducci, author of "Caregiver – You Are Not Alone"

Reposted with permission from AlzAuthors.com

By Bobbi Carducci

Caregivers very often become isolated as the needs of the one-in-care progress. Even well-intentioned family and friends begin to drift away, leaving caregivers wondering if anyone understands what their life has become.

I know that feeling very well. A caregiver for my father-in-law, Rodger, for seven years, I often felt as if the rest of the world had moved on to work and family life, believing my days were easy.

Some questioned how hard could it be to stay at home and cook his meals and take him to the doctor now and then. Surely I exaggerated the difficulty.

Worse was when I doubted myself. Was I the only one who questioned whether my loved one was faking sometimes? Or wondered why someone I cared about and rearranged my life for was suddenly treating me as the enemy? Did anyone else get angry and lose their temper or was that a character flaw unique to me? 

Toward the end, after weeks of little sleep and constant stress, when I prayed for it to be over, I questioned my humanity. I didn’t want him to die. I wanted the pain to end. But still, was I the only one holding that silent wish in their heart?

After speaking with caregivers and interacting with them as caregiver support group leader, and through online groups and as a speaker at caregiver conferences, I heard many caregivers express the same doubts and fears inspiring me to write my second book for caregivers.

Caregiver –You Are Not Alone is an anthology of caregiver stories representing varying ages, genders, and family dynamics all doing the hardest job they ever had to do. Although they may be slightly different from our personal experience, they are our stories too.

Each story is followed by an essay reflecting on my personal experience and feelings while caring for Rodger, when I felt very much alone.

About the Author 

Bobbi Carducci is a national speaker on the subject of Alzheimer’s and dementia, how it affects entire families and how to Prepare to Care – What Adults need to Know about Alzheimer’s/ Dementia Before and After It Strikes Home.

Amazon: Caregiver –You Are Not Alone

Amazon: Confessions of an Imperfect Caregiver

Website: www.bobbicarducci.com 

Twitter: @BobbiCarducci2

Meet Rosalys Peel, author of "Mike and Me"

Reposted with permission from AlzAuthors.com

By Rosalys Peel

Every two minutes someone in America is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Most will face this discouraging illness with their wife, husband or partner at their side. And yet the typical “Alzheimer’s couple” has no idea how to make the most of what lies ahead.

This is the predicament my loving husband Michael and I found ourselves in when we discovered that Mike had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Over 45 years of marriage we had always dealt with problems together. But now we were advised to start preparing ourselves for the day when Mike would surely be moved from our home to an outside care facility. We simply weren’t ready to accept that.

“I don’t want to leave you and our home,” Mike told me—and so we made a deal. Despite all the scary stories we were hearing about this disease we decided to stand up to Alzheimer’s and defy the statistics as long as possible. Together we would go right on pursuing our hopes and dreams as husband and wife, confronting the disease together in our own home, and living the fullest life possible…for as long as possible.

Writing a book was the last thing on my mind at that time, but I did start keeping a journal. At first I was just trying to record new information and treatment advice from our doctor. But it turned out that journaling became a very empowering and comforting companion for me over the entire nine and a half years that Mike and I dealt with his Alzheimer’s.

My journal was a safe place where I could give words to my worries, concerns and fears. It’s where I logged the frustrations and setbacks that Mike and I encountered, but also where I recorded and celebrated our many victories, large and small. Day by day, my journal chronicled the astonishing power of mutual love, patience, compassion and stay-at-home care. Over time I became convinced that other couples and caregivers might be able to benefit from some of the new approaches Mike and I were learning.

Despite Mike’s illness we eventually exceeded virtually every typical Alzheimer’s expectation. Together, we travelled to several countries, helped care for our granddaughter, maintained our romance, kept Mike on his feet, celebrated every milestone, and found new ways to communicate with our friends, family and each other. We also saved countess thousands of dollars by caring for Mike in the familiar surroundings of our own home right up to the very end.

Mike eventually died, but he died as we all wish to die—with dignity and grace. And not before we had enjoyed nearly 10 full years of life, love and, yes, laughter together.

Gradually, there was the birth of a new idea in me. Looking back to when Mike was first diagnosed I could remember how I had searched the bookshelves in vain for a book that would help couples like Mike and me navigate the Alzheimer’s journey together. Later, I had a chance meeting with an experienced and caring writer who gave me this quote by author Toni Morrison: “If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”

I took that quote to heart and set out to write Mike & Me as my gift to other Alzheimer’s couples and their families who are just now starting their journey. While the word Alzheimer’s usually triggers pessimistic feelings, Mike & Me is an optimistic book, and for good reason. It chronicles the changing face of home care among Alzheimer’s couples. And it shows how the astonishing power of love, patience, compassion and stay-at-home care can help Alzheimer’s patients defy the usual statistics and live a longer, fuller, happier life despite this discouraging disease.

Writing this book has been a work of heart, and I know Mike would be happy that what we learned together on our Alzheimer’s journey is now helping other couples, families and caregivers.

ROSALYS PEEL BIO

Rosalys Peel is a Registered Nurse, a Lamaze-certified childbirth educator, and a Gottman-certified couples’ relationship facilitator. She teaches classes at Seattle’s prestigious Swedish Medical Center and has been featured on NPR and The Today Show. She remains a tireless teacher, writer and speaker, and a caring advocate for Alzheimer’s couples, families and caregivers everywhere.

WEBSITE www.MikeAndMeBook.com

FACEBOOK. https://www.facebook.com/mikeandmebook/

TWITTER: @PeelRosalys

EMAIL: Rosalys@bainbridge.net

Meet Miriam Green, author of "The Lost Kitchen"

Reposted with permission from AlzAuthors.com

By Miriam Green

When my mom, Naomi, was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s I felt relieved. The doctors had finally acknowledged what our family had surmised for almost a year—Mom was losing her memory. Okay, I thought, what now?

Little in our lives changed at first. Mom still rattled around in her kitchen, was still an avid music lover, conversationalist, and sweet companion. She could maintain her household, and even stay by herself in the evenings when my dad, Jack, was busy. But the signs were everywhere.

There was the day she tried to unlock the front door to her apartment with the wrong key. It didn’t occur to her that she should try another one, or even ask for help. I was waiting patiently on the other side as she jammed that key into the door over and over, swearing in language I had never in my life heard her utter. Daddy rushed from the shower, thinking she’d hurt herself with all the screams. It took a while to calm her down.

What did change dramatically in my life was a commitment I made to visit my parents once a week. I traveled 2½ hours each way by public transportation to be with them. Mostly, I was there for Mom. Those were wonderful mornings. We would do all manner of activities together, ambling around the city, drinking coffee, and enjoying the sunshine. I used those visits to organize my parents’ kitchen and cook them food for the week.

I was privy to Mom’s anxiety over her waning memory. I held her as she cried bitter tears and told me she felt confused. It was the first indication that our roles would soon be reversed, that I was losing my mom by degrees, that the only way forward was a painful decline that inevitably led to death.

It’s been more than seven years now. I’ve learned a few things along the way— to avoid questions in my conversations with Mom; how a person’s gait can define their ill health; that front-closing bras are an Alzheimer’s intimate friend; and how to judiciously use her memory loss for our gain.

I don’t think we can ever be prepared for the strange turns and curves life throws us, but I do know that it helps me to write about them. First came the poetry. Then, what was initially a project I started with my dad as a humorous initiation into the world of cooking and caring for a spouse with Alzheimer’s—we called it “The Man’s Emergency Cookbook”—eventually morphed into its current composition. Thus were born my cookbook and my weekly blog. I didn’t need to be alone in my frustrations, fears and struggles. I could connect with the community of Alzheimer’s patients, their families and caregivers who were only a short click away.

And through it all, I cooked. I took what Mom had taught me when she was still active in the kitchen and used that as a basis to experiment with easy recipes that fed my spiritual and emotional hunger. My book, The Lost Kitchen: Reflections and Recipes from an Alzheimer’s Caregiver, is a combination of recipes, poetry, and prose about my family and how we have shared the demands of Mom’s Alzheimer’s.

Miriam Green writes a weekly blog at http://www.thelostkichen.org, featuring anecdotes about her mother’s Alzheimer’s and related recipes. Her blog also appears on the Alzheimer’s Association website, http://blog.alz.org/. Her poetry has been published in several journals, including Poet Lore, The Prose Poem Project, Ilanot Review, The Barefoot Review, and Poetica Magazine. Her poem, “Mercy of a Full Womb,” won the 2014 Jewish Literary Journal’s 1st anniversary competition. Her poem, “Questions My Mother Asked, Answers My Father Gave Her,” won the 2013 Reuben Rose Poetry prize. She holds an MA in Creative Writing from Bar Ilan University, and a BA from Oberlin College. Miriam is a 20-year resident of Israel, and a mother of three.

You can find Miriam on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/miriam.green.7399, and on Twitter at @thelostkitchen. https://twitter.com/thelostkichen.

Amazon: The Lost Kitchen: Reflections and Recipes from an Alzheimer’s Caregiver