By Vanessa Luther
My
father joined the Air Force in 1950 during the Korean War where he trained as an
airplane mechanic. After his tour of duty, he returned to his home in Miami and
married my mother after only three months of courtship. He worked during the
day and attended barber school at night, eventually owning several barber
shops. My parents moved to Georgia after retirement to be near their children
and grandchildren. Although my dad enjoyed doing yard work and watching sports,
his family always came first. He was the most loving and compassionate person I
had ever known. His generosity knew no bounds.
At
first, I noticed subtle changes regarding his cognition: hiding personal
objects, forgetting to pay bills, losing the ability to fix basic things. Over
time, the changes grew more serious. He no longer felt comfortable driving
alone for fear of getting lost. His overall mood fell prey to serious depression
and his anxiety caused extreme agitation. Medical problems, including triple
bypass surgery, also occurred. My father started falling during the night,
requiring hospitalization on several occasions. His condition worsened every
day.
As
his primary caregiver, I found myself thrust into a world about which I knew very
little -- the world of dementia. Feeling bewildered and alone, the incredible
weight on my shoulders was almost too much to bear. Knowing what to expect from
day to day became a mystery. I didn’t always do the right thing or say the
correct words. Looking back, I may not have always made the right decisions. Clearly
in over my head, my choices were few and far between. I was a daughter that
woke up one day to find herself caring for her father, our relationship roles
now reversed.
I
remember so well the day he hit rock bottom. During a Sundowner’s episode, my
father committed the unspeakable which forced my mother to call 911. I sadly
watched him taken away that night, never to return home again. The authorities
sent him to a psychiatric hospital for evaluation after which he was moved into
a memory care unit for his safety as well as my mother’s. My father’s condition
continued to deteriorate. He suffered more agitation, a fractured hip and
complications from surgery and medications.
On
October 22, 2011, my father lost his battle with Alzheimer’s. He endured a
level of suffering to which no human should ever be subjected. Alzheimer’s took
my dad from me, little by little, until he was simply a shell of the man I once
knew. This vile disease stole everything, reducing him to a stranger. Then when
nothing was left, it stole his life.
My
ultimate dream is for a day when no more Alzheimer’s or dementia of any kind
exist, when people will be able to live with their precious memories intact
until the very end. Until that wondrous day, my hope is that our journey helps
to bring awareness to this terrible illness. The more we as a society learn
about this disease, the better we’ll be able to handle Alzheimer’s. Everyone
afflicted with it deserves a fighting chance. I hope that our story will in
some way help others affected by this tragic ailment, whether in providing
helpful information or simply words of encouragement. May our countless tears
be the fortitude that helps others deal with the adversity from this
devastating disease.
Vanessa Luther is the author of A Life Stolen: My Father’s Journey Through
Alzheimer’s, the true account of the devastating, but inspiring journey
that she and her father traveled through Alzheimer’s. She grew up in Hialeah,
Florida and later moved to Pensacola, where she met and married her husband.
After earning her Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science, she moved to Atlanta,
Georgia where she worked as a Consulting Software Engineer for 17 years. She
then put her career on hold to raise her three sons and eventually became the
primary caregiver for both of her parents. She currently lives in
Lawrenceville, Georgia with her husband, three sons and their dog.
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